Tongue in Cheek Quiz on Internet Knowledge

1. HTML is . . . a computer software package
    a programming language
    the British CIA in Indonesia
    a surly mixed guava cocktail
    what I get from my mother's cooking
   
2. You take care of your computer by: watering it often
    beating it regularly
    letting it snort heroin
    not letting it smoke
    singing to it
   
3. The higher your modem speed, the faster . . . your eyeballs will fry
    you will get cancer
    scary men will find you
    your phone will ring
    information arrives at your doorstep
   
4. Computers make fine: weapons
    chewing gum
    sexual toys
    jewelry
    punching bags
   
5. Respiration is: something only the new PowerMacs can perform
    overrated
    the coupling of two Great Turtles
    Newt Gingrich's cologne
    why plants are green
   
6. The Internet is also known as: breakfast
    the Information Superhighway
    my mother
    the West Coast's I-95
    home
   
7. DPI refers to: Data Process Information
    Data Protocol Integration
    Denny's Pork Ice-cream
    Dots Per Inch
    Diptheria
   
8. A typical thing that your boyfriend/girlfriend would say to you is: (having said boy/girl-friend my be considered hypothetically if necessary) who are you?
    remember that thing with the Marachino Cherries? Well I can do it upside-down now. So, what's with the computer?
    have you eaten all of your broccoli today?
    start runnin', or I'm going to fire!
    I just love what you do with your PC!
   
9. The easiest way to jumpstart a computer is: with caffeine
    with my breath
    a good pick-up line
    by using the power button
    through The Force
   
10. DOOM is best described as: 666
     a bloodthirsty PC slaughterfest
     the militia-man's bible
     a waste of time
     the nickname of my Chevy Nova
    
11. Ethically, I find recent laboratory experiments combining Bill Gates DNA with silicon microchips to be: hobbleygobbleygook
     dispicable; God will punish the offspring by making them in the image of Beavis and Butthead, and you can quote me on that!
     Huh?
     No problem at all. Hell, I want one!
     on par with the Oprah Windrey Show
    
12. This survey: was not as exciting as my computer lab
     is the worst thing since processed cheese
     has allowed me to get in touch with my feminine nature.
     was written by a twisted little freak
     held my attention as long as my last s.o